Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Drunken Rampage of Lord Commissar Xerxes

I recently picked up the Dark Vengeance starter set for Warhammer 40k from my local game store because, quite honestly, if I'm going to be paying that much money for something I want to make it worth my while. The set includes two full Space Marine and Chaos armies, a rule book, dice, templates and an introductory book. So yeah, not too bad.

One of the missions in the Dark Vengeance book is called Rampage. It's a solo mission that calls for a deranged war machine to attack its own forces. The player controls the troops while the machine's actions are laid out in the scenario. It's essentially Solitaire....40k style.

I took that scenario and twisted it around a bit. I broke out my Praetorian army for the first time in years and had the deranged machine be a drunken Lord Commissar. The expedition's commander has decided that, in order to protect his men, that the drunkard must be knocked unconscious and returned back to camp. Failure means death.


The table was set up with Lord Commissar Xerxes in the dead center. The space is only 24" x 24" and very tight to say the least. It was also about this time that I realized I needed more scenery....guess I'll need to get started on that.

Having won a small victory against an enemy outpost, Lord Commissar Xerxes celebrated with a bottle of very old wine. Not used to the drink, he becomes very drunk and dangerous. His powerfist crackles with energy as he stumbles to the center of the compound.


The Lord Commissar began to call the Praetorians vile names and read passages from The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer in a belligerent manner. The Praetorian commander, Major M.B. Fletcher-Jones, decides to surround him in an attempt to subdue Xerxes before anyone gets hurt.


The Praetorians cautiously approach. Though drunk, the Lord Commissar is still a dangerous force to be reckoned with.


Lord Commissar Xerxes wastes no time and jumps into combat with a flamer squad. One soldier is killed outright but one man manages to wound the attacker. But they ultimately break and run, which further infuriates the political officer. The entire squad was killed and Xerxes was heard to be shouting (and slurring), "Not an inch backwards!" 


It was at this moment that a meltagunner from Major Fletcher-Jones' command squad took a shot at the Lord Commissar. Directly hitting him in the back, the armor melted away as a agonized scream went up.


Either too drunk or in pain to care, Lord Commissar Xerxes charged into combat with another Praetorian squad. Although he flailed his powerfist around wildly, all the soldiers were able to easily duck out of the way. 


Sergeant Nairn emerged behind the Lord Commissar and struck him with the butt of his laspistol. Unfortunately, however, Xerxes turned his head at the last moment and his temple was smashed - killing him instantly. The Lord Commissar crumpled to the ground in a heap and the men stopped and shot horrified glances to their sergeant.

Nairn was quickly arrested for murder by Major Fletcher-Jones and given a court martial on the spot and found guilty. The death sentence was later commuted to service in the Penal Legion based on Nairn's sterling record.

All in all, this was a fun little game. It only lasted 2.5 turns but was a nice little way to help knock the dust off and get reacquainted with Warhammer 40k.

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